Well, i haven’t posted anything here for awhile, things have gotten to be pretty hectic these days…okay, not really hectic i’ve just been bitten by the laziness bug again. Anyway what can I write about today…hmm, i’m getting lazy with my academics lately, i just feel like 24 hours is not really enough to get by in this world, or i’m just really wasting precious time sometimes. Do you feel like you are not really living your life? Like, you know you should be somewhere else doing somehting worthwhile but then you are like stuck in thsi time warp which you cannot really get out of? ThAt is me! I sometimes get tired of life which kinda scares me because i used to be a dreamer, not a foolish dreamer but a dreamer .
Someone who has a very rich imagination, someone who wanted to scream on top of a mountain how beautiful life is and i still had faith, faith in this world i lived in, which turned out to be crappy! i was very optimistic of everything but somehow all of that has gone. that is why i hated growing up or getting older, it is not because of the wrinkles or crow’s feet.somehow i knew that when i reach a certain age all my hopes will vanish and then i will be like the boring, dull and lifeless adults i knew.
Lifeless not physiologically but lifeless, there is no fulfillment. I see them, they just go about their everyday routines, having given up on their dreams a long time ago, and the tragedy is, i feel like i have become one of them! i hate those Barbie-plastic people! I think they are hypocrites!
They are acting like everything is okay in their WoRLD!
Which is definitely not true right? because everyone has problems, do i sound like a raving lunatic? while some people are interested in getting good grades, having good friends, right connectionsand MAKING IT in this lifetime, i am more preoccupied with things that concern me and my self…hahaha, pass me off as egocentric i don’t care. just think about itwhat have i really reached at this point in my life?no, not awards or honors, or anything, but do i really know me? like me? am i comfortable being me?
Do i have what it takes to follow my dreams and really achieve it? am i lying to myself? am i in denial of some things? have i forgiven myself? because the only way you can truly love others is when you are yourself, wholly nothing missing, all accounted for *sigh* hope i haven’t bored you with all my rantings…please do tell me i am sane!!!